So You Say You've Moved On...

Ladies and Gentlemen, this isn't going to be a pretty blog post about relationships. There will be no sugarcoating. What I'm about to share with you comes from a place of tough love and some past failures and experiences, both personal and impersonal. Sometimes you need to hear the truth from people who have experienced what you're going through...I hope you're ready.

Ladies, why is it that some of us can't move on from our ex? It doesn't matter if he ended it or you did, you can't seem to stop cyber-stalking him! You know where he's been and who he's with because you've looked through all of his posted AND tagged pictures. You're always asking mutual friends about him. If you happen to know his current girlfriend or love interest, you've snooped on her page as well. You know her occupation, where she lives, how many brothers and sisters she has, but most importantly, what she and your ex have been up to. Why oh WHY do we do this to ourselves? 

You haven't moved on. You refuse to close that chapter. It doesn't matter if things ended badly or peacefully, you just can't stop checking up on him. In the meantime, you've become an unstable basket case of emotions. You can't even enjoy waking up in the morning because you're too concerned with what he's been up to the previous night! 

What if you have a man already? You're so concerned with your ex that your next is receiving zero attention. And if your current man isn't a dummy, he can tell that something's or someone's occupied your mind. You need to let all of that go. I'm not a fan of beginning a new romantic relationship without having closure with the previous. It isn't healthy and you'll end up confused, depressed, and alone. So what do you do?

You retreat within yourself. You may have to go as far as blocking your ex, deleting him from all of your social network accounts, and removing his number and all of the cute texts that you've saved because you like to go back and reread them. Throw away those pictures and mementos that remind you of him. Yes it's going to be a long, hard process. You're going to bawl and use up a couple boxes of tissue. You may even need a friend to come and listen to you cry and vent. But you've got to purge yourself. Get those thoughts of the two of you getting back together out of here because sister girl, it ain't happening, especially if he's made it crystal clear that the two of you are done. And how dare you drag your man in the mud while you deal with your confusion! Shame on you!! 

Now, there are the very few and rare cases of exes that can still be friends. That takes a supreme level of maturity and understanding that 1) You two have moved on  and 2) You aren't romantically attracted to each other anymore and are much better of as PLATONIC FRIENDS. You know what I mean by platonic right?  No late night booty calls, no secret sexting, zero sexual advances. You're genuinely happy when he gets married and he's equally as happy when you have your first baby. You're able to be around each other comfortably and amicably. Maybe one day you'll be able to get to that point, maybe you won't. The point is that you have got to move on. It'll take some time. How much, I'm not sure. But close that chapter and walk away. The wellness of your being depends upon it. 

Now fellas....*sigh*. Why do you hide who you like spending your time with? You don't want her taking pictures of you because you know she's going to want to share them with all of her friends, facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. She hasn't met many of your close friends. Pretty soon, if she's no dummy, she'll start noticing that you're hiding her. Why? Are you involved with someone else? Do you not want to give up your singleness just yet? Are you afraid of scaring off your groupies or "friends" who you like you and wouldn't hesitate to become involved with you? You know that girl that you've been hanging out with really likes you. All of her friends know about you but she doesn't know yours. What are you hiding?? 

Grow up! At some point, you've got to stop worrying about what your friends will say. Sure that flirty coworker of yours might start acting weird when you tell her that you're involved with someone but you've got to respect your relationship. Respect and loyalty are huge factors for women. You don't have to shout from the rooftops who your woman is, but you should let it be known that you aren't single. And if you do want to be single, by all means, be single! You claim to be an adult, but there's much more to being an adult then saying that you are one. 

I'll share with you an experience where I was introduced to a previous ex's friend as his homegirl...........and the immediate rage that I felt. The couple things that we had been engaging in were not homegirl and homeboy  activities. Up until that point, I'd assumed that we were a couple. I was pissed but I didn't confront him about it. I was insecure and unwilling to confront him about it. Now, I know differently. I don't involve myself with anyone that'll hide me. I'm no one's trophy to be showcased, but if I'm involved with someone, I expect those who mean the most to him, to know who I am. 

Now that I'm older, I'm seeing a lot of my guy friends settle down and establish and build relationships with wonderful women. I understand that it's something that comes with maturity and I smile proudly that they've reached that point (no matter how long it took lol). Love can be a beautiful thing when you're not afraid of it. 

What we allow is what will continue. So ladies, if you want to continue to stalk your ex, know that you'll be miserable. You can't drive forward if you're constantly looking in the rearview mirror. You're going to crash. And fellas, stop being afraid of letting your social circle know who your lady is before she leaves and moves on to someone who'll be publicly proud of her. 

Readers, do you agree? Disagree? If you're brave enough, I want to hear your stories! Peace my loves!!