Why Don't You Like Yourself?

Ladies, it's time for us to have another heart to heart. I'm saddened at what I see from you: how you wish you were taller, skinner, "thicker", lighter, sexier, had longer/curlier/wavier hair, bigger lips, hips, butt, breasts...the list goes on! My question to you is WHY DON'T YOU LIKE YOURSELF????

I was inspired by Malcolm X's Who Taught You To Hate Yourself?. In the clip from his 1962 speech (which also heavily touches on intraracial discrimination within the black community), Malcolm X asks the same questions I've wondered about women these days:

• Who taught you to hate the texture of your hair?
• Who taught you to hate the color of your skin?
• Who taught you to hate the shape of your nose, lips?
• Who taught you to hate yourself from the top of your head to the soles of your feet? 
• WHO?????

These days, people use social media as a way to broadcast their lifestyles: relationships or singledom, outfits, physical appearance, etc. Women (and men, but more so women) use it for validation. They need to be told how pretty and sexy they are, how good they look in their makeup and clothes....

I understand that everyone has the need to feel wanted and desired. But the way some of you go about it is self-depreciating! And it's deeper than "Oh, I just wanted to share with my friends, or fans, what my life is like!" You don't like yourself.

Here's what I've noticed about some women:  white women want to be either skinnier or curvaceous and darker. Asian women want to look like white women. Hispanic women, you want to be slimmer and have straighter hair. Black women, you want to have longer hair and lighter skin. Why??? You can get all of the butt pads/injections, blonde hair, weaves, blue contacts, relaxers, perms and bleaching products that you want but that won't change that really needs to be improved: your self-esteem!!!!

What do you notice about all of this? No one wants to look like themselves! You want to be a carbon copy of someone else. That's horrible! You lose your identity in order to fit in with society. You waste years and hundreds of dollars for what? To please someone who isn't as important as you are??

Who taught you to hate yourself ladies? Was it your mom or grandma who lived in an era where white was right and lighter was better? Was it your tan friend with the long curly hair, green eyes, and curvy figure who got all of the attention from the guys whenever the two of you went out? Perhaps it was that guy that you secretly liked who never let you forget that you were beautiful for a dark skinned girl?  Or maybe it was and is the media's glorification of blond hair and model-esque physical features?

Now, I know some of you feel like I'm up on my high horse preaching down to you so let me share a story with you. I've always had a slim and muscular figure and I've always been picked on for it, from family, friends, and strangers. "You're too skinny." "Girl you need to eat!" "I hate your abs, legs, arms, etc!" "Are those contacts? Those have to be contacts." "Are you wearing a weave??" "You need a tan!"

For awhile, I wondered why everyone was so concerned with my physical appearance. Why wasn't I pretty enough to them? Why couldn't they accept me? Should I try to gain weight so that they'd leave me alone? Breast implants are expensive, how can I afford them?...And then I discovered that what I had was what they desired for themselves. I could've hated myself but instead, I made the conscious decision to stop caring what others said about my physical appearance because I love the way that I look. It took some years to accept but luckily, I had great parents who taught me to love myself. I had to believe that I was perfectly imperfect just the way that I am. Besides, if I listened to their comments and changed what I looked like, I wouldn't be me.

The only person that you can look like is yourself. Someone will ALWAYS have something to say about the way that you look. You have to love who you are, exactly the way that you are!! Sometimes, we wonder why certain women have a guy that we wanted to date. Maybe she doesn't spend ridiculous amounts of time bashing other women and complaining about the way that she looks. Maybe she isn't as toned as you are, has shorter hair than you, or isn't as educated/ goal-oriented as you are...she still has the one thing that you don't: CONFIDENCE.

If you have some things that you'd like to change about yourself for health reasons, then do it. Everything that you do should be for the betterment of you: health, career, lifestyle, etc. It should never be because of someone else's shallow opinion.

If you haven't heard this today or ever, please know this: you are beautiful. Don't allow anyone to tell you otherwise and don't let anyone take that away from you. Break out of the box that people try to squeeze you in. Hold your head up high Queen and love who you are and your fellow sister too!!

Please share your thoughts and comments. Peace my sisters!!